alrighty, i miss this space soooooo much!
so i'm backkk here again, been comtemplating if i shld really go ahead w this post but i've been tryna pen down my thoughts since last week i've been thinking about it so i shld just do it!
it's one week since i promised myself the last time.
can't believe it has been like urm, close to 3 years since everything happened? whoa. time flies.
3 years is equivalent to my poly life.
never cld i have ever imagined how just 6 months of relationship or maybe barely 4-5 months could do to me, the impact, the pain, and the misery.
perhaps i took it too harsh on myself. can never forget the last cry really.
and maybe that was the very first i felt i was in love, truly madly deeply, all the insane things that we cld do together and perhaps only you wld do it together w me. i thank you for all the great memories you've given me still.
as i tried more than a hundred ways to forget you, even shutting everyone else away from me. those who wanted to help me out and i never once thought falling in love with someone else cld take the pain away from me, even if it cld, i know it weren't real. and i didn't wanna hurt anyone else.
x
However, i do wanna thank every single one of my friends. Those who tried to help me out by listening to me every single damn time it was hard on y'guys, so so much for this past two years. I know it wasn't easy, I know I was.... too stubborn. and when you asked me, if i was ready, i was caught aback and loss for words because I know i wasn't ready at all. and you knew it.
I always thought that I didn't want to let go of the memories because I still love you. I know once I've decided to let go, I can't bring you back to me, so I never never wanna let our memories go. But I was too harsh on myself, the pain and the misery. I realized I can't hold on and I can't take it no more.
Friends who kept saying "just let it go." it's easier said than done really. I've tried a million times, those misery nights, whenever night falls, and you're alone with the songs playing and memories flashing back, it wasn't easy on me. never.
"Everyone wants to know why I won't let go. It's because if I walk away, I know you won't come after me. I don't think I'm silly. I know I've been hurt time and time again, but my heart says I'm on the right track."That was you, always in me. I never wanted to let it go. I wanted to hold on forever.
But I'm sorry, I'm prepared to let go now.
Let my heart go, and not put it on freeze anymore.
I gotta be strong and leave you behind.
Labels: the last confession
